Guilt.

Something horrible has been taking control of me recently, and its guilt. An over load of guilt.

I can’t help but think of what has caused all this for Dylan.
Did my body mess up his growing?
Did I hold him too much?
Did I not hold him enough?
Was it the co-codamol I took when pregnant because I couldn’t walk?
Is it because he was formula fed?
Should I have tried breastfeeding?
Did I not stimulate him enough as a baby?
.. there is such a long list and I could go on forever.
I keep going over everything in my head, every single little thing.

In reality there is no single thing known to cause Autism, but I think it is natural as a parent to think over and over again what you could have done different that may have changed the outcome.
I’m trying to overcome this guilt as quickly as I can, but as soon as I think I am taking a step forward, I seem to fall backwards into this silly way of thinking.

Baby steps though, I don’t want to force myself to get over this andΒ then it hit me like a ton of bricks in the future when I think it is gone..

Anyway.. small little post today about guilt!
Is there anything you feel guilty about?

WeeOhana x

 

 

11 thoughts on “Guilt.

  1. We all go through it, but at the end of the day they have no solid reason as to what causes Autism. We can only love our special children and do what is right for them. We get stressed and overwhelmed at times. But its twice as hard for them. You love him and he knows it and you know it as well.

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  2. I feel you. When my baby was in the NICU, I was so overcome by guilt. I thought I was responsible for all the pain my baby had to go through. On top of that I had my mother in law making me feel like I had done something wrong during my pregnancy to cause this to my baby. I had to overcome all those thoughts though. Because the truth is everyone comes into this world with their own destiny and path. We cannot control everything as hard as we try. We cannot fix everything. ALL we can do is trust in God, Universe, goodness, Creation, whatever you want to call it. And be our best selves. If we connect to our soul and become the best person we can be, there will be nothing better than that for our children. They will be happy and content with a happy mummy. So please don’t feel guilty, just keep focussing on doing the best you can. And that will be just wonderful.

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    • Thank you!
      Glad you can relate too it! It’s a horrible thing guilt, but I think it takes a hold of all of us at some time or another!
      Mother in laws eh.. aren’t they wonderful πŸ˜‰
      All we can do is our best and our kiddies will love us for that πŸ™‚

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  3. I know exactly how you feel (in fact I wrote a very similar blog not long ago). I have always wondered if it’s something I did wrong which is why J is the way he is. I try not to let it get to me too much as I know its not helpful. I think its actually sign of being a good Mummy, we feel guilty because care so much. I think its just one of those things. We could have done everything perfect but our kiddies could have ended up exactly the same. Do you know what, ignore that…we DID do everything perfectly. We feed, stimulate, care for and love our kiddies. That makes us amazing Mum’s πŸ˜‰ x

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  4. Thank you for another magnificent article. The place else could anybody get that type of info in such a perfect method of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m at the search for such information.

    Like

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