14

Being Positive is Tough!

As a parent you are expected to always be positive, happy go-lucky and love everything that you do in your life that involves your kids. When you are with you kids or even around other kids, or any human really you are expected to have a smile, have lots of gossip to share and happy stories. Is parenting really all positive and great fun though? A simple answer no; no it isn’t.

Being a mum, a parent is really tough. I am currently a stay at home mum andΒ  it is really tough, tougher than most jobs. You have to have a smile, willingness to do arts & crafts, answer 1000 questions, wipe bums, make snacks, do baking, colour, read books, play pretend, cook dinner, recook dinner as they changed their mind, and many other things.. all on a daily basis. You have to do all this while doing a dance or singing or whatever other thing your child enjoys and when they eventually go to bed and fall asleep you’re so mentally exhausted from keeping up this positive persona that you yourself are exhausted or you end up just sitting watching some mind numbing program on T.V.

Then when you see friends, especially friends who have children you are expected to gush to each other over how wonderful you children are, what new things they have learnt and just why they are simply amazing. All while showing them the latest pictures you have snapped of them, for your friend to then tell you how beautiful and wonderful your child and you do the same to them about their child. Just being honest here, but as much as I love my kids, I would love to not have to gush over them especially if I’m with a friend. In-fact I would love to be able to be open and tell them how I am really feeling, the struggles, share the lows as well as the highs. Recently though anytime I have mentioned a low to anyone they always come back with “Oh it will be fine”, “You never know, it will all be OK I bet” and all that positive cack. Now, I am one for trying to keep upbeat about all that I have going on but some-days I want to have a moan and a cry about how tough it is, and I want to have a friend who will talk to me like it is real life; For them to help me accept what is going on in my life. To help me accept it rather than fill my head with fluffy nonsense and denial.

I’m going through a lot with my family at the moment and I have really realized who is there for you and who just wants to be your friend when it suits them. I have lost several friends recently, but hey. There loss right? I told a friend once we had been to the CDC clinic about Dylan how it had went, that they would need to discuss special schools etc next time we went back as he was too young .. her reply “Can we please talk about something positive?” … I know right! Well I just didn’t reply. It really upset me, when I needed a friend to chat to and really let my feelings out too, they blew me off. Acted like I was complaining about a stubbed toe or something. There we go though, that’s another example of why being positive and why being expected to be positive is tough. I’m sure any parent could see how this would be a hard, upsetting and life changing thing for me, but yet my friend still expected me to be positive? I’m sorry but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

So next time you see a friend,your partner, your parent whoever it is you normally talk too, tell them how it really is.If your finding something tough tell them, if you need someone to rant, rave or cry at. Do it! Please do not hold it in. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable to do that with, I’m here. I’ll be your someone to rant,rave and cry at. Don’t be afraid. Head to my Facebook page and message me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. I hate to think of people holding all there true feelings in, these emotions and words that need out; let them out. Your mental health is very important, and if you go around always being positive, one day it will catch up with you, trust me.

I asked a few of my blogger friends; Why do you think being positive all the time is hard? Here is how they answered! =]

Amy who blogs at The smallest of things said- “Because sometimes they push me until I’m hanging over the edge!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
(kids sure do have a good knack at doing that don’t they! They always know the right (or wrong buttons to press)

Jemma who blogsΒ here said- “It’s just so draining. It’s like wearing your fake smile for people you don’t like. You only have to do that for a little while if you see them, but with your kids it’s 12 hours a day-non stop!
Don’t get me wrong there are genuine positive moments but the majority aren’t true and soooooo tiring!
(I couldn’t agree more! That fake smile has to constantly be there. It isn’t fun always having to play pretend!)

Samantha at Porridge and Parenting answered- “Because it’s impossible to be positive 24/7. You could be the happiest person in the world whose glass is always half full but that is unsustainable all day every day for the rest of your life and essentially you are a parent all day every day for the rest of your life.”
(Too right, it is impossible! One day it will wear you thin if you keep up the act!)

Helen from mumatron says “I think it’s hard because it’s unnatural. It’s more normal to show a range of emotions.”
(It sure is! We were given emotions to show them, not to try and disguise them as this wonderful happy, positive person when we are feeling quite the opposite sometimes!)

Sarah who blogs at Whimsical Mumblings replied with- “I broke down into tears the other day in front of my children, and felt SO guilty. It’s hard not to show these emotions as well as they good ones. I honestly don’t think we should hide them though! Show your little ones it’s ok to express your emotions.”
(Don’t feel guilty Sarah, like you say yourself it is important for our little ones to see all the emotions that we have and understand that we can show them whenever we need to)

 

Do you find there is anything you feel you have to be positive about when you really don’t feel that way all the time?
WeeOhana xx

 

 

5

Sensory Pasta Play!

This morning we woke up to a cold and wet day! Horrible, especially when I have two little ones to entertain as school is out for half term!
I was trying to think on my toes of what to do with them that was a little different to the usual coloring or toys that we have! I decided on something sensory to try out, hoping that if my little man didn’t just dive in he would copy his sister and at least give it a try!

I hunted in the cupboards to see what I could find and I hunted out some pasta! Some sensory play, that isn’t to messy and wouldn’t stick to my little mans hands which is something he really doesn’t like! I had some swirly pasta and then i broke up some pasta sheets into a bowl.

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I then put the bowl on the floor and picked the pasta up and dropped it into the bowl so that it made a different noise and he came running out to see what was happening and he dove straight in! I was so happy, he was picking it up and running his hands through it all the time while laughing away. I then found a bigger container so that he could move them about a bit more and sit in it if he decided to.

He loved it, he was putting it between his toes, and even decided to take a little nibble on a bit which is truly incredible with his very strict diet and unwillingness to try anything different.

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A very simple sensory play, but it was very effective!
Next time I am out I am going to buy a few bags of different kinds of pasta and color them all different colors, so it is even more visual for him!
After a week or two of playing with the pasta I may start to put a few bits of cooked pasta in at a time, only a very small number at the start and then slowly building. I know slimy things are not his favorite and is the reason he wont eat several foods (ham,pasta,etc) so I am going to do it very slowly and hopefully he wont notice the change and will accept it very well! =]

weeohana xx

2

Soft Play & Lunch

This weekend I was feeling brave, so as my hubby was working I decided to brave a little soft play that is close to us.. I thought with it being a Sunday morning it would have been pretty quiet and would hopefully let me little man come round to it ok before it got to busy and that my little girl could waste some of her every lasting energy that she seems to run on! It is a pretty nice little soft play area it has a little bit for little ones, then has the bigger part for all the bigger ones to run around in, which is good though is that the bigger part isn’t that big and you can see it all from the smaller bit. I feel a lot happier when being there with the both of them by myself as it means I can keep an eye on them both.. though generally my little girl is running about talking and yelling in full volume so I normally hear her first!

When we first got there it wasn’t as quiet as I expected. I had told my little girl that we would stay at least half an hour, but if little man really didn’t like it after that we would have to go and we would do arts and craft when we got home. It took him a while to settle down, but with a bit of encouragement,persuasion, and letting him settle down in his own time, he started to enjoy himself. It only took twenty minutes.. the stares were there, the judgement from others was but I ignored the glares and judgement and kept myself calm to help calm him. It was tough to ignore them, but I had to not only for my little boy but also so that my wonderful ball of energy princess could waste some energy too!

I put him down the slide but he was starting to get unsettled again, he came over and took my hand and walked me over to the ball pit. At first I really didn’t want to get in and tried to persuade him to go in by himself.. but he really wasn’t happy. I decided again to ignore all the looks and get into the ball pit so that he would enjoy himself! Every child deserves to enjoy themselves! When I had decided I was there for my two to have fun, I just forgot everyone around us and had fun!

img_2302-2The ball pit was super and he would have stayed in there all day!
img_2297-1We then ventured up to the bigger part and took on the bridges/wobbly floors/bigger slides etc. He had so much fun, though he wasnt to convinced that the bridge was safe by the looks of that face!

We all lasted the full two hours! It was wonderful, and something I will have to do again with them whenever I am feeling brave and like I could take on the world despite all the looks! I guess it is something I am just going to have to get used too, one step at a time I will learn to deal with this!

When we left he went to sleep in the car on the way home, so me and my little girl decided that we would pop to the cafe close to our house and enjoy a “girly” lunch with him fast asleep! She got a milkshake and toast with a fried egg and I got a very tasty panini. When she had finished she decided that she was still hungry and needed another fried egg and more toast, so while she ate that up I treated myself to a caramel brownie.

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We all had a lovely day out and when we got home we did some lovely coloring together!

Sometimes you have to break down your own barriers to be able to help those around you. I’m working real hard on this.. taking it day by day. I’m not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel I can as that just puts me back a step.. I’m just trying to be more positive and to ignore those who don’t know my situation and are judging without any knowledge.

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WeeOhana xx

0

Mums & Tots!

When I was at my CDC appointment with my little man they recommended a mums and tots group that was just for children who attended the unit as they know how hard it can be to go to other mums and tots with lots of children/noise etc! So I thought I would give it a bash!

When I would go to other mums & tots he couldn’t handle the noise, amount of people, amount of toys.. everything was just a giant sensory over load so he would go into a meltdown. This would consist of him screaming/crying/throwing himself to the floor/hitting his head off the floor/running at walls/scratching at himself.. people would stare, which made me feel extremely anxious, upset, judged and many other things. The leaders of the mums & tots would come over and sing/give him toys/try to help.. but obviously that just made it worse. Obviously they are trying to help and didn’t know what else to try/do.. so I ended up leaving and taking him to the car to settle him down, I would say to myself that maybe he would like a different mums & tots, that I would try others. Believe me, I tried several different mums & tots, I think I went to all of the ones in my area, but in the end I gave up. The longest I managed to stay at one with him was 15 minutes. When we first went in, he hated it, So I gave him my phone and sat him on my knee for him to watch Morph and accept what was going on around him and hopefully join in. A lady beside me made a comment about how he should be off playing with the other children and enjoying himself like a normal child rather than sitting playing on my phone. I didn’t even bother to reply.. I picked him up and left. I made a group decision for him and me, that we wouldn’t go back to a mums & tots for a long time.

Until when I was at my CDC appointment and they told me about the mums & tots I thought it sounded fantastic, it still took me a few weeks to go to it, to get over my anxiety of the looks/ what ifs and so forth! When I went, I couldn’t understand why I had put it off!

Its a fantastic mums & tots ran by a wonderful group. When we first went in, he wasn’t too happy.. so the lovely ladies there got out the bubble machine and then went away from him. He sat on my knee for while watching the bubbles, then he got up and started popping the bubbles then ran off and saw all the other wonderful things they had. The ladies then got me stuff to fill in while chatted to me about what they did and what was going on with my handsome man.
There was only 5 other children there, in a big hall with all the toys spaced out and a wonderful sensory room. It was fantastic, he pottered about by himself happy as larry without a care in the world. It was wonderful to see, and I chatted to a few of the mums, some of them in a very similar situations to me, it was great to speak to others who are going through the same sort of thing, who know what its like to still be feeding your two year old 10+ month food.

We now go every week and when we pull up outside the hall his little face lights up and he starts flapping in the wonderfully excited way that he does! Its great, to get out of the house and for us both to enjoy ourself and relax.

Is there anywhere that your children especially enjoy? Places they really don’t like?

WeeOhana xx

10

Child Developmental Clinic

It was my little mans CDC appointment the other day, and I really did not know what to expect from it. I had asked several people who had been to them before and everyone gave me different answers, so I’m going to tell you about my experience and how it all went!

The whole day before I had so much nervous energy I ended up sorting out my whole kitchen, cupboards and the lot!Β  hadn’t expected to get much sleep that night but I must have worn myself out running about like a lunatic cleaning/sorting/worrying etc as I actually managed a pretty decent sleep! Which was a great start as it gave me the energy I needed to be able to listen and concentrate on what was being said.

We were called from the waiting room and met a lovely lady who explained to us what was going to happen during the 90 minute appointment and that there was six other people there to observe him .. so seven people to watch my little 23 month old boy, that seems like an awful lot right! Well it seemed like even more when you walked into the room and saw them all staring at you..all happy, smiling and welcoming faces just very over whelming! My little man wasn’t sure at all what to think, but they are all very used to that and they had everything under there belt, the winning one for him was bubbles! He loves bubbles, what child doesn’t! They then all introduced themselves one by one; physio therapist, speech therapist, Occupational therapist and so forth! The questions then came as he was being observed by all the people there and as one by one they all went over to him and tried to get him to do whatever it was they wanted.. from walking up stairs to making eye contact.

There was so many questions asked I can hardly remember any of them or how I even answered, my partner told me he was impressed with how well I handled them all and answered them all… So I’m thinking they weren’t really the easiest of questions and that is why I have forgotten the majority of them, mixed in with my anxiety I’m surprised how I even remembered to breath through it all let alone answer all these questions thrown at me!

They then went around the room and gave there feedback to us about there findings; one thing that I was worried about was the muscles in his legs being a little short as he is constantly on his toes and not only just a little bit he goes fully up on his toes and occasionally will even walk on the other side of his toes! His muscles are fine though and we were advised to get him some heavy boots to try and encourage him to walk flat footed otherwise he will end up shortening the muscles in his legs. I am now on a hunt for some cute little boots in a lovely size 5! =]

The speech therapist told me to work on his eye contact and that we would have a few appointments with her shortly to help and give me more ideas on how to get him to give eye contact. Then the others mainly spoke about how to try and help him in the world around him, doing lots of messy play to try and encourage him to get used to different textures and how everything in the world around him is. To try tight clothing when I take him out to see if this helps him to feel settled as its like getting a big hug and close contact. I got lots of ideas of things to do with him to try and help him get used to different textures etc so that he will then hopefully start to eat a lot more things! Did you know that your hands are very closely linked to your mouth, so hopefully when he accepts different feelings on his hands he may start to in his mouth too!

It then came back round to the lady who was asking all the questions and listening to what everyone said; she looked at us very seriously and said that it was Autism.
Even though I had expected this my heart sank.. I just needed to get out of the room. Away from all the eyes watching and all the ears listening and waiting for my reply.
She then went on to tell us that she couldn’t refer us to the Autism Clinic until he was two and a half years old, so that we would have to come back in six months for this and that when we were back we would also discuss where would be best for him to go to school and to apply for schools too then as it was important to get on there lists from the start to make sure he got a place.

I asked a few more questions about how long till certain appointments etc.. then quickly left after thanking them all.

Even though I expected this outcome, it was still a huge shock. I am still coming to terms with it and I’m sure I will be for a very long time. I’m really not sure how to feel about it all.. all I know is that our life has changed forever.

I love him & I always will, no matter what.

WeeOhana xx

 

5

Hearing & Doubts..

I am never going to take either of my children to a hearing test again… though lets start from the start of a very eventful day.

The night before I hardly slept, so many thoughts running through my head. Worries,wonders,what ifs, hows and all those lovely thoughts us parents are subjected too. His appointment also wasn’t until the afternoon, so I filled the morning the best I could to keep myself and him busy. Why though when you want time to go fast it goes slower than you ever thought possible!Β  We started off having a little look in shops and picking something up for dinner then we decided to head to a forest park for a little walk!
When we pulled up to the park, he decided it was the perfect time to fall asleep so I enjoyed the peace. Peace from the outside I suppose though as I was having a million thoughts a minutes that ended up with a really sore head.. typical. When he woke up we went for a little walk around the forest, he thoroughly enjoyed himself and so did I.

Then it was on-wards to his appointment. How downhill it went from there, the waiting room was full. Every seat was taken and lots of children running about and shouting. Not something I particularly enjoy and neither does he, as soon as we went in he couldn’t handle it. Bright light, lots of people, noise, banging, and pushing. I set him on my lap and talked to him gently in his ear to try and keep him settled the best I could, unfortunately it was all just too much. (He has started to hit himself in the mouth with his hand when he is distressed) On the outside and to onlookers he seemed calm at the start until he started doing this and I was trying to stop him. He kept going and going and more people started to look and one child asked there mum why he was doing it, then he did it so hard he ended up making his mouth bleed, and not even just a little bit. I scooped him up and went on the search for the bathroom to clean him and myself up, so that when we went into the hearing test he would be calm and ready to do whatever they needed. As soon as I had him cleaned up I heard his name being called so off we went down the hallway to see how his hearing was.

It was going lovely, they started with him sitting on my knee and then they rang bells behind him and lots of other things making strange noises and he turned to the majority of them and stilled to others, it was all going so well! The lady told me she was satisfied with his hearing and that he definitely didn’t have any severe hearing problems but she wanted to do another test just to make sure.. little did I know this was more a form of torture.. I had to hold him still while she poked this thing into his ear and did a test. He did not like this one bit, neither did I. He screamed, cried, kicked, bit.. it was horrific. I calmed him down when we left got into the car and he was laughing and smiling, but I had to have a cry. I felt horrible, thought he would hate me .. but he had forgotten about it. Little does he know that she wants me to take him back in three months as she couldn’t do that test properly as he was screaming so loud.. I am not looking forward to that.

Great news is that he isn’t deaf.. though I can’t quite decide if it is great news..
I keep thinking that if he was deaf there are so many things that they can do to solve this, and ahh.. I’m really finding this all so difficult to handle. I suppose that is natural though right? I’m trying to keep my head above water, with a happy face ..I don’t know how swell I’m doing at that part.. its hard to keep yourself a float and everyone else as well.. its tough, its really tough. I must keep going.. on a positive note, we got his appointment for the child developmental team and it is on the 9th of November! So a lot sooner than I expected. which is great news! Less time to over think.. though panic because its so soon!
Answers, or at least some guidance and support is what I need right now. I need to know what I am doing with him is right, that I’m not a terrible mother and it isn’t all my fault.. though I’m not sure those feelings will ever budge..

WeeOhana xxx