I think it is a very common thing to do, to doubt what you have been told about your children. Especially when you are trying to come to terms with it.
I go through phases where I think to myself that there is no way that Dylan is Autistic. I mean, he is my perfect, handsome wonderful, clever little boy who I totally adore, obviously. This is something that will never change and I will always feel all of these feelings and many, many more about him. He is my son, my little buddy who I will always love with all of my heart.
It is hard to accept that your child has anything wrong with them, something that changes how they view the world and how the world will view them. Something that you as their parent can’t fix with love, medicine, therapy, or anything at all. Yes you can help make it all a little more bearable for them and show them how they can ‘fit’ into the world and the supposed things they are meant to feel, enjoy and like but is that really helping them when you are then trying to make them conform to what we view as ‘normality’?
I have always been one for trying to join Dylan in his world, copying him in things he enjoys, if I enter his world then he may want to join me in mine for a bit too, but I am not for forcing him to conform. It’s all about give and take. Even in a relationship with my husband; I don’t force him to like everything that I do, and likewise I don’t like all that he does but we compromise so that everyone is happy and I’m sure that is the same for you, right? So now explain why should I try to force my son to like all these expected things rather than letting him enjoy what makes him happy and his own little self?
After doubting it all I generally very quickly get a wake up call and brought back from my safe haven. Sometimes this happens so abruptly that it can take me weeks and months to recover emotionally from.
I always feel that I am very in denial about how much Dylan’s autism actually affects him. I am with him 24/7 so Dylan’s quirks and ways are all that I know now. We have all got used to this and the how Dylan is, but when you see other children his age it surely gives you a huge wake up call to just how much it does affect him.
Its made much more obvious about how much it has effected his development when around other children his age. You see them chatting away, running to mummy and daddy to ask them for help or to show them what they are doing, showing off their new toys to their friends, playing together and so many more things that I don’t process as things that Dylan struggles with until they are right in front of me and made so blatantly obvious that these are things he should be doing too.
Amellia finds it very difficult to process when we are around children his age and she has been made aware they are the same age. When we get home there will be lots of questions of when will Dylan talk, when will he want to have a sleep over in her room, when will he want to play Lego with her and not just knock the tower over and many, many more questions. I answer them as truthfully as I can, Amellia is incredible with Dylan and totally adores him but sometimes people forget that she is only six and obviously this is very hard for her to process and understand too.
I think the going back and forth between thinking that he clearly is fine and then to realisation that no he obviously is autistic is just a way of my head trying to get round it, my head trying to accept it all and come to terms.
Soon I am going to sign-up to do some online-training and I’m rather excited for it!
I have been hunting online for a course that will help to extend my knowledge and understanding on Autism, and I have finally found one that sounds fantastic!
What I really like about this course is that is has been made and written by people who are on the autism spectrum. This too me means that it will have an even better insight into autism than the courses written by someone who isn’t on the autistic spectrum.
The course is complied of five modules which are:
- Understanding autism
- Autism and communication
- Autism and sensory experience
- Autism, stress and anxiety
- Autism: supporting families
I’m hoping to learn many things from this course that will enable me to understand Dylan a lot more and ensure that I provide him with the best opportunities that I can.
Once I have completed this course I will receive a Continued Professional Development certificate which will be a great addition to my qualifications!
I can’t wait to share with you how I get on with this course and to help broaden your knowledge about autism while I broaden my own!
This course was founded by The National Autistic Society! It is also a great website to pop along too to find out lots of information out about Autism!
Super Proud, emotional, over-joyed, amazed, the list goes on!
Today I have heard my little mans voice for the first time! He is starting to learn his colours and loves the alphabet. He knows the sounds of nearly all of the letters in the alphabet, but today he started to say some colours! Its the first glimpse we have heard of his voice forming words.
This sort of thing really makes the hard times seem a little less tough. This isn’t easy, infact; this is the toughest thing I have ever done in my life.
I don’t know how I am doing it and keeping a smile on my face. Often people say to me “I don’t know how you are doing this?” I’m never quite sure how to reply to that.. because I’m not sure how I’m doing it. Honestly, I’m going with the flow, doing my best I can for him to help him and encourage him, I try to enter his world rather than forcing him to join ours. I do it, because I am his mum and if I didn’t, then who else would, I do it because I love him, because he is my son, because he deserves a happy life as much as you and I do, because he is clever, funny, handsome, adorable and perfect in every way to me.
My little girl is currently visiting her nanny and grampy for a few days so I decided that I would try to do some painting with Dylan! It means we get the peace and quiet he needs for new sensory things and that she isn’t diving in the middle of it all! Today we did a spot of painting! Well by a spot.. we did two hours worth of painting!
At the start it looked like it was going to go the same way as whenever we last tried it, which wasn’t very well. He was keen on any part of the painting at all, but he sat in his high chair and enjoyed watching me use the paintbrush and painting a little picture for him, he then got brave and decided that this looked like fun and was using the paintbrush by directing my hand on the paintbrush!
After thirty minutes he then took the paintbrush by himself and was happy to paint the page but as soon as he touched the paint was screaming for me to wipe it off. I had accepted this as a huge success as he was happy to touch it with something he was holding and was trying out something new!
Next thing I knew.. he was painting his tummy and his arms! He had it everywhere and was as happy as a pig in muck! I was jumping about the kitchen celebrating and being ever so delighted for him it was just simply wonderful.. so wonderful infact I started to cry tears of joy! My baby boy was painting, and getting it everywhere, he didn’t mind it on his skin, infact he loved it on his skin. He doesn’t like to touch anything that will stay on his hand when he takes it away, but today he accepted paint.
Today my boy enjoyed something that kids love doing.
With it being Autism Awareness month I decided to ask on a page on Facebook that has many bloggers on it if they had any questions about Autism. Here are the questions I was asked and my answer! =]
Sophie from mamamei.co.uk has a little brother who has Aspergers and asks
“ are people still struggling to get a quick enough diagnosis? “
We are currently going through the diagnosis process and it is a very long and infuriating thing. When Dylan got seen at the CDC clinic we got told that it is autism but we have to wait till he is 2 1/2 before he can even be referred across to the autism clinic and then he will be put on another waiting list before he is seen, which is a very long list. The annoying thing about this is that if they had referred him when we were first there he wouldn’t have been seen until he was over 2 1/2 anyway. It will then be a push to try to get him into a nursery that will be able to deal with his level of needs without a diagnosis. I know a few other parents who are going through a similar thing and are having to wait for an unacceptable amount of time. One lady had her child referred to the autism clinic at 2 1/2 and he is 3 1/2 now and she still hasn’t had a letter to start the process. So; I’m not getting my hopes up for a speedy one myself.
It is very irritating because they say early intervention is key to helping, but they don’t seem so keen to provide much help until they are over a certain age etc!
Claire from Http://lifeloveanddirtydishes.com asked; “What did you notice about your child that made you seek a diagnosis?
There was several things with Dylan that made me want to seek a diagnosis. One of the main things was that he was talking for a while well he said 2/3 words then about a month later he lost them and all the word sounds that he made. He tip toe walked and still does the majority of the time. He also has very poor eye contact and will not respond to his name no matter how loud you shout it! I had worries about him for a while before anyone else would accept that I was in-fact right to be worried and that he needed to be checked out by the health visitor. Even when he was a young baby I raised a few concerns with my HV, like he didn’t smile or giggle for a very long time. I also as a mum remember feeling very upset because we didn’t seem to have that automatic bond people talk about. When you were feeding him his bottle he wouldn’t look at you lovingly etc! There are lots of things about Dylan that increase my worrying about him that I spot as the times go on. Mainly though I am very eager to try to get him talking or communicating in some way so that he can let me know what is upsetting him, what he wants or what is going on in his head! This would then in turn hopefully lessen the amount of melt downs we have in a day-to-day occurrence as he could then communicate.
Vicki from Www.tippytupps.com wanted to know; “if you have other children, how do you balance out their needs so neither feel left out?”
This is something that I am really conscious about as I have a little girl who is five years old. I am always worried about her missing out on things because of his dislike for many things. Though me and my husband work hard to ensure that she gets to do the majority of things that she wants to do and that she gets days out just by herself so that she doesn’t have to worry about having to leave if he gets upset and that she gets all the attention. We take turns once a month where we will take her out for a full day and do whatever she wants to do, be it swimming, shopping, eating, going for a walk or anything that she thinks of! During the month if there is something that she wants to do that only takes a few hours for example swimming and my husband is off work, he will take her swimming while I go for a walk with Dylan or do something that he enjoys!
If you have any questions you would like answered drop them in the comments below and I will surely answer them for you on this blog =]
If you enjoy my blog and reading about what we are going through with Dylan and would like to read some other blogs similar here are a few;
Danielle Duggins – “I write about experiences mostly – https://someonesmum.co.uk/category/autism/”
Ann Hickman- “I blog about how our family experiences the world.. often a differently to others http://www.rainbowsaretoobeautiful.com”
Victoria Hatton- “I write about autism too, my daughter has Asperger’s and I’m an Autism specialist teacher. I write both from a teacher and a mummy perspective: Teacher: https://www.mummytimestwo.com/…/navigating-autism-from…/ Mummy: https://www.mummytimestwo.com/…/moment-knew-daughter…/”
Recently with Dylan I have learned that you really have to go with whatever is working for him that day. If it isn’t something that desperately needs done that day, isn’t important, or I can wait until my husband is home then I simply won’t do it if its something that he won’t cope with. Some people may see this as a little odd, that I’m letting my son control a lot of my life, but in reality; why would I take him to do the grocery shopping when hes having a bad day, just for him to have a meltdown in the middle of the shop. Which means he is very distressed, people stare so I get upset, he gets more upset as I get worked up trying to calm him so we leave. So; why would I put either of us through that? This is why most of my shopping is done online, or when my husband is home!
Today a friend of mine had a go with the flow light-bulb moment! She is a hairdresser and has been meaning to come over to cut my little mans hair for a while, his hair is a very precious thing to him and like a lot of autistic children he finds it very difficult when it comes to haircut time! So, when I went to the yard today she was there too sorting out her horse and was chatting away to me while Dylan very happily played with the shavings when she had a brain wave.
We decided why not have a go at cutting Dylans hair while he is really happy and relaxed in a place that he loves! She headed of to her car to get her hairdressing scissors, water spray and comb! He loved the water spray and played with this for a while to get his fringe wet and get him used to her! After doing this for a while I sat him on my knee to make sure hands and fingers didn’t get in the way! She snipped away and he was happy enough for the first few snips then he started to notice what was going on! With a quick few more snips it was done and after a few minutes he was happy to restart playing in the shavings like nothing had happened! It was over so quickly and he didn’t get too worked up which lead to him happily enjoying being at the yard again in a very short space of time!
He then went on to eat some of the horses food (which to me is bizzare seeing as it is nearly impossible to get him to eat any other human food than what he has already accepted into his very small selection of food he will eat), help me fill the hay nets and empty the wheel barrow!
All in all it was a very successful day! Fringe Trim, feeling lots of different textures and a happy little soul spending time outside in the fresh air! =]
It all boils down to.. pick your battles! Pick what is worth battling over and if it isn’t and its going to make everyone unhappy. simply do it when you get a chance! =]
The other night I made my own PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) for Dylan!
There are several stages of PECS, for the moment Dylan is on stage one as he has just started using them! PECS is a form of communication that is used with lots of children on the autistic spectrum but can be used with other children too.It is where they learn to relate pictures to the items that they want.
I have seen lots of people who make these online and charge a fee for doing it then send them to you, I was very tempted to do this until I thought about how often I would need to order new ones as he got new interests, foods he likes etc. So I decided to have a crack at making my own and it really wasn’t that difficult! Took a little time to get all the things together and work it all out, but I did and I must say I’m pretty proud of myself with how they turned out =D So I am going to show you how I did it and what I used so you can make your own too! If you need any extra help/advice etc drop me a comment and I’ll be more than happy to help! =D
I already had a printer, which is the Epson Expression Home 322. I have had it for a while though so you may be better sourcing your own printer! Mine isn’t a very fancy printer but does all that I need and was a very friendly price! I then sourced a Laminator (Amazon.. my favorite place for finding everything I need/ want ;]) it wasn’t a fancy all dancing one, just one with good reviews and could do exactly what I wanted! (Click here to view it) Along with this I also ordered 100 Laminator pouches.. I’m not entirely sure why I ordered 100.. but when I see a good deal I can’t resist! ;] (Find them here) I then needed a paper-cutter as I wanted all the edges to be straight and nice! (This one!) and the last thing I ordered online was some Velcro! (Here) You will also need some paper and few bits of thicker paper too! =]
Now, I am going to try to do this in a step by step stages so it is easy and clear to follow! =] I’ll try and not waffle as we know I do get carried away sometimes! 😀
- To start I made lists of what I wanted to make PECS on. I started off by just doing two, Snacks and TV Programs then thought of nine of each that Dylan liked and wrote them down!
- Next I searched online for clear and simple versions of these images! I found when I searched to put the words “White Background” after whatever I was searching as it means they won’t get distracted by looking at the whole picture
- I then made a folder on my laptop for each PECS board and save the nine images of each topic into the correct folders
- After finding the nine images I then went into the folder and selected them all. You do this by left clicking once on the first image then holding shift and left clicking again on the last picture
- When they were all selected I then right clicked on the images and selected the option print, which opened a pop up.
- When in the pop up I scrolled down the side of it which gives you the options of how to print the pictures until I got to one called Wallet. This meant that all the pictures could be printed off on one sheet of paper and would all be the same size!
- Then I used the paper-cutter to cut them all out. This took a while for me as I liked to make sure they were all exactly the same size! Very simple to do though with the paper cutter recommended above as it has a built-in ruler! =D
- I then put them into a laminating sheet with a good distance between them so that they would all seal correctly and wouldn’t peel once laminated.
- Once the PECS images were done I left them to cool while I laminated the thicker paper that I would be using for the background!
- I then cut out the images again, making sure I didn’t go to close to the image as I didn’t want the laminate to peel off them!
- Next I stuck 6 of the Velcro dots onto the piece of thick paper all evenly spaced of course ;]
- In the middle of each of the PECS images I then stuck the other side of the velcro dots on. (I know I said nine but have only put six on the page, this is so that you can change them about, or remove some and put the other ones on when things aren’t available!)
- Admire your work and feel very pleased with yourself! You have just made some PECS for your child which will greatly improve communication and hopefully make meltdowns less often as your child has a way of telling you what they want when they get used to the PECS =D
These are the ones that I did,and I would love to see the ones you have done! Especially if this step by step has helped you! =D
I wish you all the luck on your PECS journey! =]
Also remember if you have any questions on how to do this etc, Just ask! I’m more than happy to help!