3

Something I’m ready to be open about..

Something I haven’t really been open about on here is Amellia, and I suppose it was all just due to coming to terms with it all. We knew she had her challenges and that she was a very unique child but recently more and more things are proving challenging for her.

We changed her school as her old one was just not supporting her at all. In her words “they would shout at me for getting things wrong but never show me how to do it right. I love my new school as they don’t shout and show me how to do it properly.” Personally I am all about positive reinforcement rather than putting a child down constantly because they can’t do something.

When she went to her new school for a trial they picked up on so much and were absolutely shocked at how little her previous one had been doing. I mean, she was in for two hours for her trial and they had already thought of ways to help her and have referred her on further. To say I’m a little pissed at her old school is an understatement, but she is now moved and it is the best thing I have done.

She started and they had an assistant in the room for another child so we’re going to sit Amellia beside them to try to help her until she could get her own one, but this wasn’t working out too great as she needed too much attention for the assistant to split her time. They then sat her beside the teacher and same story she needed too much for her to be able to teach properly so the school have now funded her own 1:1 until she is seen by Ed psychologist to get her own one funded by the education board. I am so impressed.

The teacher and Amellia sat down together and made her IEP with attainable goals for her to try to reach by January. When I got this home I realised just how much]she struggles in the classroom; Things like listen 3 times day and be able to sit still for 5 minutes made me realise.

I know that she will continue to improve and come on leaps and bounds with all the support she is receiving and as annoying as it is that we have had to wait this long for it, I can not wait to see how much this helps aid her in her learning.

As a mum, yes I feel extremely guilty that I didn’t pick up on this before and notice early on. Thankfully it isn’t too late and we will be able to put steps in now to help her for the future!

-WeeOhana

2

Verbal; but not happy.

Recently I have been finding things really tough..
Obviously I am over-joyed by Dylan’s progress, being able to know the names of colours and to say the sounds for the majority of the letters in the alphabet, don’t get me wrong, that’s incredible.
I’m really proud that he can do these new things and that I can hear his voice, but it is still not communication with another human.
It’s also slightly odd to celebrate your child’s first word when it isnt a sterotypical first word. As parents you always discuss when they are babies and they are growing up.. ohh will they say mummy or daddy first and you always have a little sort of joke and competition about it. (Even though we all know dada is likely to be the first as it’s the easiest to say!)

My child’s first word though, was “brown” he loves saying it and he gets so excited and is really pleased with himself when he knows the colours of things, but its tough.
As a parent, your heart always flutters when your little one calls out for you, be it mum, mummy, dad or whatever name they have for you. It’s special and you will always recognise when its your child calling for you even if you are in a park with lots of children shouting it at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong, I will automatically recognise Dylan’s little voice even if it is just shouting out colours; I mean I don’t think I have ever heard a child be so excited over colours or the alphabet before, but he really loves them.
He loves me and I know that he does, he shows it to me in other ways but I still just strive to hear him call me “mummy.” In reality, no one knows when this will be. It could be tomorrow, or it could be months and months away.

Though I also feel very guilty for feeling like this, I should be so ecstatic that he can do this, its incredible clever, wonderful and I can finally hear his voice.
I shouldn’t be letting my own selfish needs to be called mummy cast a shadow over this moment. Unfortunately though I just can’t shake the feeling niggling away at the back of my mind.
I think also with some people saying things like “oh that’s great, he is going to be fine now!” is just really bugging me. How does this make him fine? Yes, he can tell you what colour your pencil is if he wants to, or what letters you have printed on your top, but he can’t tell you how he is feeling, what he wants, or what’s annoying him. It is still all a huge guessing game for me, one that is extremely exhausting mentally and physically.

I think one of the hardest things about this all is the unknown. There is no book, rules, or general things that they all do at a certain age or time.
Unlike with my daughter she had milestones to meet between certain ages and the majority of children do these things in the ages set down.. but Dylan and other children like him.. it’s all the unknown, there isn’t any milestones he should reach at a certain age it’s just all about going with him, working with him and whatever he does next we will celebrate greatly, but what is it that we will be celebrating next, no body really knows and I think the unknown is a very scary thing for the majority of people.

-WeeOhana

12

Guilt.

Something horrible has been taking control of me recently, and its guilt. An over load of guilt.

I can’t help but think of what has caused all this for Dylan.
Did my body mess up his growing?
Did I hold him too much?
Did I not hold him enough?
Was it the co-codamol I took when pregnant because I couldn’t walk?
Is it because he was formula fed?
Should I have tried breastfeeding?
Did I not stimulate him enough as a baby?
.. there is such a long list and I could go on forever.
I keep going over everything in my head, every single little thing.

In reality there is no single thing known to cause Autism, but I think it is natural as a parent to think over and over again what you could have done different that may have changed the outcome.
I’m trying to overcome this guilt as quickly as I can, but as soon as I think I am taking a step forward, I seem to fall backwards into this silly way of thinking.

Baby steps though, I don’t want to force myself to get over this and then it hit me like a ton of bricks in the future when I think it is gone..

Anyway.. small little post today about guilt!
Is there anything you feel guilty about?

WeeOhana x

 

 

0

Time Apart!

I think whenever you have more than one child it is important to make sure they get to spend time with you separately and for things that fit there age or wants as well! Especially whenever one of the children in your family has a special need, as it really does effect everyone’s life in the family. I always find myself feeling guilty because whenever I take my pair out together it is aways known that if Dylan isn’t happy we will have to leave. As much as this isn’t fair on my little girl, it is what has to happen. She is very good and if Dylan isn’t happy whenever we get somewhere she knows that she gets five minuites then it is time to go. Unless I’m  having a day where I want to take on the world and can ignore the looks. I always feel incredibly guilty when we have to leave, especialy if we haven’t been there long.. i think it is hard as a mum as well to accept that your child doesn’t really enjoy what the majoirty of children love. A trip to the local park can be upsetting for both my children, as it could be too nosey/buzy etc for Dylan which then means we have to leave. It is also then upsetting for me as I then feel bad that my little girl has had to be disappointed etc! Though I am very good at keeping a strong front on infront of the kids!

My husband and myself decided that in the new year we would try and do things seperatly at least once a month with my little girl, as she loves things such as going out for dinner, going to the cinema or going shopping for some new clothes! These are some of the top things that my little boy really struggles with, but it isn’t fair for her not to experience these because of that! This month it was my turn, so I decided that I would actually bring her down to see my mum and dads new house in Dublin! Obviously this is something that I wish we could enjoy as a family, exploring a new city/parks/shops/restuarants/musuems but he really wouldn’t be able to cope at all, espeically with staying somewhere unfamiliar too! Hubby had the weekend off so me and my wonderful daughter headed off!

We have had a fantastic time! The drive down is approx two hours long, and she decided to chat the whole drive down. It was wonderful, we chatted about such a range of things, from why there was a tractor on the road to how come they hadn’t  invented time travel yet so that we could just appear at nanny annd grampys without having to sit still for so long! (Sitting still isn’t her strong point!) Once we got to my mum and dads it was bed time really, but not without a tour around the house and some food to fill her little belly!

The next day we all headed out for a walk around the park and to get some breakfast! It was a lot colder than we expected though so we really didn’t get too much of a walk done before everyone thought there hands were going to fall off! We then found a little market and got a crepe for breakfast and picked up some rather wonderful Macarons handmade by a little French woman, they were incredible! I am actually pretty annoyed I only bought one box of them and wish I had got another box to take home with me! They were just super scrummy! 


It was then home time to warm up and let grampy watch the rugby! We spent this time drawing lots of pictures, watching videos on the ipad and chatting to nanny about everything that crossed our minds! After the rugby was over and we were all bathed and ready we went out for some dinner! We went to a lovely little Chinese down the road, which served food nice and quick (perfect for kids!) it was also really tasty too so it was a winner! 

Today we got up and thought it didn’t look as cold as yesterday, so headed off to the beach for a walk.. wha a terrible idea! If you have me on instagram you will have seen how windy it was! If you haven’t you should add me, I would love a few new followers and people to follow! =] ;] (weeohana) << my instagram

After the beech we went to a park and for some lunch! We then popped to a nice little shop and picked up some dinner and Amellia loved looking at all the fish they had there for sale! 


It was then home time and Grampy had more rugby to watch! But not before playing a little!


We then headed to our room and snuggled on the bed while everyone else was busy. I really enjoyed the time just laying there together and relaxing, something me and her never get t0 do anymore! Tomorrow we are heading home and I really look forward to the conversations we have in the car on the way home! Also to get home and give Dylan a really big snuggle,and my hubby of course 😛 

Hope you all have had a wonderful weekend and have a good week! 

WeeOhana xx 

0

Pregnancy, Christmas & fun!

I really can’t get any inspiration on what to blog about…or inspiration to do anything for that matter.. But hey! Suppose that’s what the final run of pregnancy is like! Feeling like a beached whale at the moment! Just feel so large and heavy! on he final count down now! Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks, so 5 weeks till my due date, but baby is measuring 2+ weeks bigger, so I am up again on the first of December for another scan! The consultant also said she would check me to see if my body is ready to go into labour and if I am give me the sweep and possibly break my waters too if I am! So that’s pretty exciting! Means baby will be measuring 39+ if he keeps growing at the rate he is, so least that means he will be a healthy weight! They are doing it early for me because of the pain from my spd and because he is measuring big, the lady seemed quite concerned with his size considering that I am normally quite a small girl, she said that I have small hips etc, so him being large will be why I am so sore! I’m super excited to think that in less then three weeks I may have my baby in my arms! How mad is that.. I am so not ready.. But I don’t think I will be now until he is born! We have everything that we need for him ready and waiting now! It’s just a mater of getting him here! 😀 writing about it is actually getting me a little bit excited! Recently though I have had a few bouts of braxton hicks.. Which are for anyone who is unaware, like practice contractions so to speak! So apparently that shows that my body is ready! It also makes the whole giving birth thing and the pain sink in… I’m buggered I think the hubby is in for a real shock! Could see he was finding it hard and he didn’t want to leave when I was having a few BH, which is ever so lovely! 🙂 made me feel a little bit special though I did make him go to work, as will need all the help after and don’t want to waste his precious days off! He is such a super star, was at my mum and dads house today as he had worked nights and came home to the house sparkling! I really don’t give him enough credit for all that he does, I do adore him so much 🙂

The other day me and my little one made chocolate croissants for us all to have as breakfast! It was actually lovely all just sitting down and having breakfast together and she had such a laugh making them.. We did cheat a bit, it was a pack type idea where you just added the chocolate and rolled them up! Though it was scrummy and lots of fun for her! She loves baking and we did used to do it quite a bit together, but obviously at the moment it is quite hard to do this by myself, without a little one running about! The last time we properly baked together she poured flour all over the kitchen floor and had a blast making little foot prints in it.. So I think I’ll leave baking with her again for when the little one is here and having a nap! Then if she does decide to pour flour everywhere we can have a bit of a laugh in it rather than me panicking at how to clear it up when I can’t really brush the kitchen floor at the moment!

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We are getting all excited about Christmas in our house at the moment! Mainly because of everywhere you go there is a Christmas tree, tinsel, Christmas decorations etc! Also it’s the first Christmas where my little angel understands (more or less) the whole Santa idea, presents, decorating and the likes! Today we went to a shopping centre to grab a few bits.. Every shop window she had to stop and excitedly jump up and down on the spot at the snowman, Santa, gingerbread man, lights or anything at all Christmassy! It did mean it took us a while to get to the bits we wanted to actually do, but it was so beautiful seeing how excited she got and how amazing it must be to be that small, young and innocent! It also though must feel like Christmas takes forever.. Because it is in the shops forever before Santa comes! It’s a bit depressing for me, I already have all her presents wrapped, and a few for baby brother so that she doesn’t ask why Santa didn’t come! Normally I am an Xmas eve/week wrapper and love wrapping them in front of a Christmas movie, with the fire on and a little drink! Obviously this year I couldn’t leave it to do that, just incase they decide they don’t want to induce me and baby decides to be very untimely and come on Christmas Eve or close! It also means that I won’t have to be worrying about wrapping when I have a tiny baby, or sitting on the floor etc.. Which those of us who have had babies know isn’t the comfiest of things to do 😉 all her things are wrapped and safe in a bag, so I can just say to anyone to grab them tv just incase I can’t! Which would be horrible, but I’ll deal with that when and if it happens!

We have our Christmas tree going up day all planned! 30th of November! 😀 mainly because If I do go in on the first and there like yeah, your having a baby tomorrow or whatever I don’t have to worry about that when we get home.. Also because I can’t wait and the little one is super excited! The next time hubby is off we are going to go up to the disney store and purchasing some new cute decorations, then depending on how I feel maybe hunt out a few other cute bits and pieces! On the note of Christmas decorations.. I got the cutest Mickey Mouse nut cracker the other day off Amazon! He is amazing.. Though I don’t think he would serve much purpose as a nut cracker.. So I’m glad I bought him as a decoration! 😀 He is going to be one of those decorations that you keep for years and bring out every year! We aren’t ones to have a colour coordinated Christmas tree, we just go for complete and utter random ones, and ones that mean things to us and so forth! we really need a new artificial Christmas tree, but going to have to wait till next year for that as obviously have a few more important things this year 😉
What do you think of Mickey Mouse then? I’m in love 😉
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I hope you have all been keeping well?
When will you be putting up your Christmas tree?
Oh and here’s my most recent paper cut! Not very Christmassy.. but I think its cute! What about you??
Weeohana xxx

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8

Birthday, growing up, nursery- catch up

My sister has taken my little one to the farm so finally I have got some time to blog and sit down to myself! Sorry it has been so long, I have just been so tired at night, with this horrible pregnancy malarky and sorting out the house! My little two year old has now turned three, she has now got a ‘big girl’ room and we have painted the nursery and started to sort all we have bought! I’ll fill you in on it all!

Let’s start with the ‘big girl’ room! We wanted to get her moved and into it a good time before baby appeared so she didn’t think she was getting kicked out of her room for baby, which technically is the case, but she got moved to a bigger room and it’s all pretty and lovely so it was a good move for her 😉 though we all know how kids think and I didn’t want her having it in her head that she had to move with no choice etc, so we let her decide on the colour and so forth! She choose a lovely colour, it’s called Candyfloss! Which yes, is probably why she chose it as she loves Candyfloss.. Or anything food related to be honest! She has now informed me that her Candyfloss walls are very tasty … I’m not sure if she literally think that it tastes like Candyfloss just because of the name, but she loves it so that’s all that matters! Phew new bedding, light shade, rug and beanbag are also pink with brightly coloured owls on them, which she also loves (she’s easily pleased!) we couldn’t decide whether or not to put the baby gate on her door to stop her coming out every five minutes at bed time, but we decided we would rather battle and get her to learn to stay in her room before the baby gets her, rather than having to take her back several times each night and also be dealing with a baby! It’s going ok so far, she stays in most nights.. With a little chocolate bribery 😉 though I think everyone with kids knows that bribery is the best plan! She has taken to her new room and being a big girl very well! I’m so proud of how great she has taken to it! She’s such a super girl 😀

It was her third birthday on Saturday, we had such a lovely day! I took cocodamol before so that I would be good to stand and interact a bit and it was a great choice! (I promise not to moan about pain in this post ;)) she had a frozen themed party! We just had a frozen bouncy castle out the back in our garden and then some homemade cupcakes with frozen toppers and some other tasty homemade snacks! I rather enjoy baking! 🙂 my sister, myself, my mum and my friend got into the frozen spirit with frozen tshirts, make up, nails, hair and so forth! It was great fun! I’m not sure my three year old really for the whole effort we had put in, but we had great fun and felt the part!
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Don’t we look fab 😉
I still can’t get over the fact that my little one is three.. It only seems like a year ago that she was born.. But then other times it feels like she has been here forever because I really cannot or want to imagine what life would be like without her! I love her little quizzes and so forth that I get, her little random questioning on such real life situations! For example she has realised about death and dying.. Yes very morbid,by but a real life situation that she does need to know about. She understands that people grow old and die and that is normally how it happens and so forth. I’m glad that she understands and all, she just seems so little to be understanding and questioning about these things! She’s growing up far to fast! Though I do much prefer this stage than the baby stage where they can’t really do to much at all and just cry and poo! Lol! At least now she can interact, have conversations, enjoy what we do and appreciate things! It’s fantastic! I want her to stay at this stage for ever though.. But I’m sure I will always think that.. Until she gets to be about nine and then the rebelling and so forth starts! I’m not to sure how I will deal with that.
Here is her enjoying her cake on her birthday, I must say she was super spoilt by everyone and it made me see how many people do actually care and appreciate her!

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Now for an update on the pregnancy, nursery etc! 😀 I’ll try and not moan to much 😉
My hubby painted the nursery the other day, now I wanted a lovely little baby blue, but he wanted this colour called Azure so I thought, ok why not doesn’t look to bad on the colour match thing.. Then when he has started to paint I almost felt like crying.. I hated the colour and was so annoyed, hormones took over and I had to walk away before I started to ball! To me it was more like florescent blue! I let hubby carry on though and just kept thinking to myself that I can paint over if it is still horrible to me after a few months! Now a few days on I actually am starting to like it, thankfully! Though I wouldn’t describe it as azure blue.. More like Smurf blue! It goes well though with the bedding and so forth we have for him! We have went for a sea sort of theme? The bedding is called Bubble Blue from mamas and papas! It is so cute, has little whales, jelly fish and crabs on it! I love it and it feels so nice! It came with a fleece blanket and it has taken a lot for me not to just use the blanket for myself! Lol! We have ordered the furniture for his nursery and it will be here in two weeks! We are using my little girls cot so going to build that soon and then when the new furniture is here I can’t wait to put all the clothes in and sort out all we have.. We have sure bought a lot! Lol!
I had a scan there a week or two back, to check on baby and to make my consultant aware of my spd and how I have been feeling! When they scanned me they said that baby is looking great, though possibly a bit big, as he was measuring 4lb2, and 2 weeks ahead of what my due date is supposed to be. Though after 20 week scan they won’t move your due date! My consultant was lovely too! I am having a lot of bother with my spd, mainly because it is affecting my little one.. We had a lovely sunny day yesterday and she was desperate to get to the park, I felt so bad not being able to take her! So anyway, when I was up at the hospital we were talking about how I was feeling and so forth, she said it was obvious I was in a lot of pain, and that they aren’t unsympathetic. They are now going to scan me every two weeks and see how baby is growing, because another factor to my spd being so bad would be because of the baby being so big! I’m a pretty small framed person normal too, so my body isn’t good afford carrying a big baby! They have said that at 38 weeks they will check me and if my body is ready they will break my waters and then and there and I will have baby. This would be fantastic! At the moment I am counting down days to be out of pain, not to have a baby which is wrong! So it’s great that they have told me this.. I just want to make sure.p I’m ready for 38 weeks though I’m not sure how! Any tips? Lol! I am back up next week and I am going to make sure that my consultant write that down in my maternity notes, just incase I get someone else and they don’t know what she has agreed or told me! I am also going to ask her if she will put down that If at 38 weeks and I’m not ready will she induce me at 39 weeks, if I know for sure that I will be induced at 39 weeks, I think I will be able to start to enjoy this pregnancy more! It is scary to think though that if I go to 40 weeks.. Which fingers crossed they will help me out before I have 8 weeks! If I am ready at 38 weeks that there is only 6 weeks! So I’m desperately trying to sort stuff.. As it all of a sudden seems to have just appeared that we are on a final countdown! It’s not nice though because I am desperate to old things and I am seriously nesting and can’t do to much about the house! I brushed the kitchen floor and did the surfaces the other day.. Which I would have done most days before this and I couldn’t move for the rest of the day without excruciating pain! It was mental! So trying to do the whole nesting, sorting baby stuff, sorting house ready for baby isn’t the greatest!

On a final note, because I know a few of you enjoy seeing it, here is some of the paper cutting that I have been doing! If you would like a link to the templates just ask and I will happily send them! If any of my followers or anyone likes these, hit me up and I may be nice enough to send you one 😉 infact I will be nice enough, we could become pen pals! 😀 oh I would love a pen pal! 😀
So here’s a wee photo of some of them, let me know what you think please! These are all other people’s templates 🙂 I’m not confident enough to draw my own yet!

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Pictures aren’t the greatest, but you get the idea! 🙂
Would love to hear from you guys!
WeeOhana x

0

Guilt & pain

How have we all been?
I’m currently in bed, over joyed that my little one is back to sleeping through the night again rather than her waking at 3:30am fun she was doing recently! Unfortunately not a lot can be said about my sleep.. I seem to wake up every half hour and then try to get comfy for half hour.. Then the same routine again, and again! Which as I’m sure you are aware.. Isn’t fun! It’s leaving me tired and even more down in the dumps with this pain as I’m exhausted and in a great deal of pain try to entertain my nearly three year old!

I have restored to doing a lot of sticker books with her, or just sticking stickers on a page! She loves it, and will actually sit still and do this! She isn’t much of a grade A at sitting still.. But stickers seem to be one thing that she doesn’t mind sitting to do! It’s fab because it means she can sit beside me on the sofa and do it, so I’m semi comfortable.. And she’s not running about like a looney while I sit and feel useless because I can’t chase her about the house and so forth like I normally would have done! I have been quite impressed at how well she is able to find where what sticker goes and how precise she is at putting it down the right way and covering all the white! She will have several attempts to make sure she gets it just right! She’s such a wee star, fingers crossed she keeps it up when this baby comes 🙂

I’m starting to feel really guilty, but I’m sure it’s probably normal.. I’m in a great deal of pain at the moment with this spd, I have constant pain all night and all day, even if I take painkillers. So what’s the point in taking them if they will only make the pain go a tiny bit and will also mean that baby will be dependant on them and I will have an extremely grouchy baby! If they made me pain free I would probably be more willing to take them, but they don’t, I still can’t do much when I take them, so what’s the point! Anyway.. I feel guilty because instead of counting down the days/weeks until baby is here, I’m now counting down until the pain is gone.. I’m feeling more excited about the pain going away than my baby being here :/ I’m sure it’s normal for people who have suffered from this or some other pain … Or at least I hope because I’m starting to feel really mean! I’m really beating myself up about it at the moment and can’t seem to rid the thought from my mind, it’s terrible.. This is meant to be an exciting time where it all slows down because baby is coming soon and because you just can’t wait to have your baby! Time has slowed down for me because if no one comes round, I’m stuck in the house all day, I’m sick and tired of this pain, I literally am tired of this pain because it is preventing me from sleeping and I am constantly exhausted.. I’ll probably get more sleep when the baby is actually here and this pain has gone!

Also walking about like a flipping penguin and getting people looking at me funny isn’t the nicest of things.. Went to the shopping centre today to get some food and so forth.. Took me nearly triple the time to walk through the place than normal! Ahh!!

I have been signed off work, so there is so much I want to do around the house… Nesting is really kicking in! Wanna know the worst part about it… I can’t blooming do anything! Putting a wash on/sorting a wash is a very long processes at the moment as I have to stop several times because of pain! A task that would normally take 2 minutes now takes about an hour… An hour to sort and put a wash on.. Joys. I want to be sorting my little girls room and going through all the baby stuff to see if we need anything more and going out to buy all pretty paints and getting excited about painting new rooms… But I just can’t get excited about it.. Infact, it upsets me even thinking about doing those things.. Because I physically can’t paint, or sort.. And with going to choose the paint, hey that will be another trip out with pain involved! Though j suppose sitting in the house in pain, or going out isn’t much different!

I think it’s quite hard for someone who hasn’t been in this position to understand what it’s like .. To be going from being able to do everything, to near enough nothing. It’s actually really upsetting, and if I beat myself up about it and blame myself much more.. I’m gonna end up locking myself in a room till this baby is here and hiding from the world! I have a funny feeling though it’s going to make me even more protective of the baby and letting people hold him, just because it will have been such a long awaited thing to get him out so I can be pain free and because *fingers crossed* I’ll finally be able to do stuff again and will want to do it all after having felt so useless recently!

.. Anyway I’ll stop ranting as I can hear my little girl awakening and seeing as it takes me a long time to get it of bed.. I may as well start before she starts shouting!!
I hope your all better than me!
Love; WeeOhana x