21

CDC Take #2

I’m really not sure how I feel right now, what thoughts are going through my head or how I’m even expected to feel. I just can’t pin it down to one feeling.. in all honesty, I’m feeling a lot of them all at once and it isn’t doing my head and heart any good at all.

We arrived 10 minutes before the appointment hoping that it would help to get Dylan settled before the appointment.. but boy was I wrong. He screamed the place down and continued to do so for the 15 minutes late that our appointment was too. The lady then came to get us and said she had heard him from when we had come in. (thanks for making us wait then!) We then went into the room with the other therapists and it all started to become very real.
When we went in Dylan was not a happy bunny, pulling us by the hand to signal he wanted to leave, screaming and standing by the door. Thankfully the speech therapist remembered that he loved pop-up toys so she brought this out to see if it would settle him. He settled for a little while then she tried to remove this to encourage him to try something else with another of the therapists there.. but he just wasn’t playing ball. He settled after a while with some coloring and posting games, typically he was very happy when it was time to leave.

As all this was going on, I was having questions thrown at me left, right and center. Well no, they were very good at making sure they didn’t talk over anyone or myself, but I think it’s because I was the one in the firing range it just felt far too much. She was asking if this was how he got on when he goes into new places, how he had improved and I told her with a smile all the improvements I had felt he had made and she half smiled and told me they were great. Unfortunately though they all veer down a very obvious path and not the path that you want your child to travel.

The first thing that we got ticked off her list of things to get sorted was an education plan. She said that she didn’t think he would cope in a mainstream school even with a 1:1. She said that she would worry about his safety and that it just wouldn’t suit him at all. So all the information for this has been sent off and we are just to await an appointment of when to go and see them for them to write-up a report.
If I was being honest with myself, I knew this was going to be the outcome. Though I was living in hope, denial and wishful thinking.

The next part did shock me, I knew in my heart and my head that he was autistic, it was blatantly obvious. She had told us at the previous appointment that what she suspected was autism but he was too young to say for sure; but she told us at this appointment that; yes it is autism and that he is severely autistic. She said that he ticks every box for classic autism. It was a shock how she described him as severe, but when you look at it from a realistic point of view, he really is. Everyday life is a real struggle for him, and clearly something he doesn’t particularly enjoy when you are taking him out of his safe spaces.

My emotions are everywhere, I have written this post still feeling numb, unsure and disconnected from my emotions, because right now I’m really not sure where they are.
Friends & family keep asking how do I feel, honestly, I really don’t know right now.
I’m trying to make it to the next day with a smile, trying to stop it from sinking in. I don’t know when it will sink it, it may be in a matter of days or months but I know when it does I wont be someone you want to be around. Well, more I wont want to be around anyone. I will hide away and more than likely my hubby will need to take time off work to help me through this.
It’s not a simple path that we are going to walk, I’m going to fall off the wagon and right now; it could be any moment.

It’s a huge thing, it’s life changing not just for Dylan, but for the whole family.

-WeeOhana

9

Sensory play outside! =]

It has been simply wonderful weather here for the past few days and we have spent lots of time out in the back garden relaxing and enjoying the safe space we have.

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We recently purchased them that wonderful little Smoby activity car that you can see, it is wonderful! Has a great sized slide on it, a wheel you can turn and it has a horn with several different noises, a key to turn and to make it even more wonderful the bonnet opens and you can put whatever you want in it! It also then comes away from the car for if you want to wash it or empty out whatever you have put in it! The reason we went for this activity car is because Dylan can get in and out of it himself and climb up and go down the slide by himself too!

Today I decided instead of putting the expected of sand into it, to put some soil that I had from planting my pepper plants into it to see what he would make of it!

He got stuck right in and really enjoyed it! He was shovelling it up and filling the plant pots up and then emptying them! He was having lots of fun and played with it for a long time!

He wasn’t keen on it getting on his hands and when emptying out the plant pots was very careful not to touch it with his hand and was always using the shovel when moving the soil about! He had lots of fun though and was happy doing this for a long time so I am hoping with a few more days of sun and playing with the soil he will start to touch it with his hands!

My precious little man, who means the world to me ❤
WeeOhana x

1

Learning Curve to friendship <3

Amellia has been working really hard on building up her relationship with Dylan. She understands that he is a little different to others and that he doesn’t enjoy touching, close contact or really playing with her. Though I’m sure you can see how this is very difficult for a five year old to have to understand, and to follow through with. This is especially hard for her as she is basically the polar opposite of Dylan!

She wants to shower him with love and care. She wants to play with him 24/7, kiss and cuddle him and have in-depth conversations about what they are building with the Duplo blocks.. but she has slowly learnt that this isn’t going to get her very high up in Dylans popularity list. When he was building she used to go over and try and help and he would get frustrated at her and hit out, I always found this very hard to watch and explain to her over and over again. She wasn’t doing it out of badness, she just wanted to play and engage with her brother like she would other children. Whenever she then came anywhere near him he would hit out, try to bite her, scream etc at her.. and he still does now but not to anywhere near the same extent. They are both learning how each other work. She knows that if she goes and does something he can’t explain to her he is happy by himself so he will shout or do something else to show her, he has also learnt that not every time she walks past him or sits near that she is going to interrupt what he is doing.

I have seen huge progress between them recently, like all of a sudden they have clicked. They understand each other that little better and she understands why he is a little different and has accepted that she needs to treat him a little differently. Friday, was a huge moment for them. We came down in the morning when they had both awoken and Dylan was pottering about and Amellia was waking up and doing some drawing on her ipad.. when Dylan tottered over to her and sat up beside her all of his own accord. She then handed him her Ipad by choice and showed him what she was doing. She knows he really enjoys drawing so straight away he started to draw, he then took his little hand and placed it on hers. The squeal of delight out of Amellia was just magical. She didn’t want to move and declared this day to me as “The best day in her whole life” This is something that she has been waiting for, for a very long time!
img_4845They then sat like this for the next ten-fifteen minutes swapping whoevers hand was on top, while I melted with happiness for my little girl. This is the connection that she has been dying to get from her little brother since he was born and finally her dreams were coming true ❤
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I had seen that the friendship was growing rather steadily recently, like something had just clicked. She seemed to know when he didn’t want fussed over but was very quick to jump in when he was in a playful mood or was doing something she could do along side him! She did a lot of running about the house beside him before he would even acknowledge that she was there, but now he is looking for her when he starts running about, its magical.

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The other day they had lots of fun out on the trampoline together and Dylan got very upset when she got off, so she then got back on and bounced with him again! Then before she left she handed him a bit of chalk to draw with a zipped the trampoline up so he couldn’t get off by himself! This showed to me that she understood his cry was for her to come back, she then found something to distract him before she left and she also made sure her little brother was safe and couldn’t get hurt.

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This was on Thursday, she had gotten into the car beside him, and as you can see by her face, she is being careful not to touch him too much with her arm! He stayed a minute or two longer then was ready to depart and go back to the trampoline. His most favorite thing in the garden!

They are slowly working each other out, but today has been a big step in the right direction. I couldn’t be more proud of them both. When you have your sibling who understands you and supports you, it can really help you along.  ❤

WeeOhana xx

2

Dear Husband..

Dear Husband;
You are simply amazing. I don’t tell you often enough how wonderful you are, how strong you keep us as a family unit and just how much I love you. This past year has been a very tough one for our family, life changing things have appeared that we never thought we would have to face. We have faced some real challenge as a couple learning to accept the things that have been thrown in our path. I feel that we are now a lot stronger than we were before, and we will continue to build up skywards, together.

I must admit at the start of all this we grew apart, drastically. It really scared me, I didn’t know how I would make it through all this without you by my side as support. I thought we were going down a long and horrible road, and we were going to have to do it apart. All of this coupled with my issues that I have, has been extremely scary, I felt very low and because of this started to push you even further away and I honestly don’t know how you stuck by my side. You didn’t deserve it, and it made us argue, disagree, row and everything else a happily married couple should not do. It was horrible, I hated myself more and more, but I just couldn’t get out of that rut. I still find some days tough and I’m sure you do too, even though being a manly man that you are you don’t admit it.

I am so glad now that we are stronger than we have ever been and that we tackling everything thrown at us together. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my shoulder to cry on, my companion, the one who laughs at my stupid jokes, helps me spell silly words that I just can’t grasp, you make me smile when it has been tough day, cuddle me when there just isn’t any words to explain what I am feeling or what is going on in my head. You make the world seem a little less scary, you hold my hand when times are tough, you help me relax when things are getting on top of me, you guide me when I just can’t guide myself, you make me feel beautiful even when I am wearing the same clothes that I had on when you left for work, you give me the confidence to carry on, you give me the strength to keep my head above water when it feels like I could so easily slip under and you make me feel loved; when I just can’t understand how anyone could.

I really can’t thank you enough for all that you do, you accepted me for who I am and took both me and my wonderful daughter under your wing and treat us like royalty (most of the time ;]) You are the greatest father I could ask for my children. You always put them first and make sure they are happy and have everything they could ever dream of.
We all really love you and couldn’t do this without you.
You, are simply incredible.
My 1 in 7 billion.
My best friend.
My husband.

3

Go with the flow!

Recently with Dylan I have learned that you really have to go with whatever is working for him that day. If it isn’t something that desperately needs done that day, isn’t important, or I can wait until my husband is home then I simply won’t do it if its something that he won’t cope with. Some people may see this as a little odd, that I’m letting my son control a lot of my life, but in reality; why would I take him to do the grocery shopping when hes having a bad day, just for him to have a meltdown in the middle of the shop. Which means he is very distressed, people stare so I get upset, he gets more upset as I get worked up trying to calm him so we leave. So; why would I put either of us through that? This is why most of my shopping is done online, or when my husband is home!

Today a friend of mine had a go with the flow light-bulb moment! She is a hairdresser and has been meaning to come over to cut my little mans hair for a while, his hair is a very precious thing to him and like a lot of autistic children he finds it very difficult when it comes to haircut time! So, when I went to the yard today she was there too sorting out her horse and was chatting away to me while Dylan very happily played with the shavings when she had a brain wave.

We decided why not have a go at cutting Dylans hair while he is really happy and relaxed in a place that he loves! She headed of to her car to get her hairdressing scissors, water spray and comb! He loved the water spray and played with this for a while to get his fringe wet and get him used to her! After doing this for a while I sat him on my knee to make sure hands and fingers didn’t get in the way! She snipped away and he was happy enough for the first few snips then he started to notice what was going on! With a quick few more snips it was done and after a few minutes he was happy to restart playing in the shavings like nothing had happened! It was over so quickly and he didn’t get too worked up which lead to him happily enjoying being at the yard again in a very short space of time!

He then went on to eat some of the horses food (which to me is bizzare seeing as it is nearly impossible to get him to eat any other human food than what he has already accepted into his very small selection of food he will eat), help me fill the hay nets and empty the wheel barrow!

All in all it was a very successful day! Fringe Trim, feeling lots of different textures and a happy little soul spending time outside in the fresh air! =]

It all boils down to.. pick your battles! Pick what is worth battling over and if it isn’t and its going to make everyone unhappy. simply do it when you get a chance! =]img_4144

WeeOhana x

 

 

 

 

 

 

14

Being Positive is Tough!

As a parent you are expected to always be positive, happy go-lucky and love everything that you do in your life that involves your kids. When you are with you kids or even around other kids, or any human really you are expected to have a smile, have lots of gossip to share and happy stories. Is parenting really all positive and great fun though? A simple answer no; no it isn’t.

Being a mum, a parent is really tough. I am currently a stay at home mum and  it is really tough, tougher than most jobs. You have to have a smile, willingness to do arts & crafts, answer 1000 questions, wipe bums, make snacks, do baking, colour, read books, play pretend, cook dinner, recook dinner as they changed their mind, and many other things.. all on a daily basis. You have to do all this while doing a dance or singing or whatever other thing your child enjoys and when they eventually go to bed and fall asleep you’re so mentally exhausted from keeping up this positive persona that you yourself are exhausted or you end up just sitting watching some mind numbing program on T.V.

Then when you see friends, especially friends who have children you are expected to gush to each other over how wonderful you children are, what new things they have learnt and just why they are simply amazing. All while showing them the latest pictures you have snapped of them, for your friend to then tell you how beautiful and wonderful your child and you do the same to them about their child. Just being honest here, but as much as I love my kids, I would love to not have to gush over them especially if I’m with a friend. In-fact I would love to be able to be open and tell them how I am really feeling, the struggles, share the lows as well as the highs. Recently though anytime I have mentioned a low to anyone they always come back with “Oh it will be fine”, “You never know, it will all be OK I bet” and all that positive cack. Now, I am one for trying to keep upbeat about all that I have going on but some-days I want to have a moan and a cry about how tough it is, and I want to have a friend who will talk to me like it is real life; For them to help me accept what is going on in my life. To help me accept it rather than fill my head with fluffy nonsense and denial.

I’m going through a lot with my family at the moment and I have really realized who is there for you and who just wants to be your friend when it suits them. I have lost several friends recently, but hey. There loss right? I told a friend once we had been to the CDC clinic about Dylan how it had went, that they would need to discuss special schools etc next time we went back as he was too young .. her reply “Can we please talk about something positive?” … I know right! Well I just didn’t reply. It really upset me, when I needed a friend to chat to and really let my feelings out too, they blew me off. Acted like I was complaining about a stubbed toe or something. There we go though, that’s another example of why being positive and why being expected to be positive is tough. I’m sure any parent could see how this would be a hard, upsetting and life changing thing for me, but yet my friend still expected me to be positive? I’m sorry but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

So next time you see a friend,your partner, your parent whoever it is you normally talk too, tell them how it really is.If your finding something tough tell them, if you need someone to rant, rave or cry at. Do it! Please do not hold it in. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable to do that with, I’m here. I’ll be your someone to rant,rave and cry at. Don’t be afraid. Head to my Facebook page and message me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. I hate to think of people holding all there true feelings in, these emotions and words that need out; let them out. Your mental health is very important, and if you go around always being positive, one day it will catch up with you, trust me.

I asked a few of my blogger friends; Why do you think being positive all the time is hard? Here is how they answered! =]

Amy who blogs at The smallest of things said- “Because sometimes they push me until I’m hanging over the edge!! 😂😂
(kids sure do have a good knack at doing that don’t they! They always know the right (or wrong buttons to press)

Jemma who blogs here said- “It’s just so draining. It’s like wearing your fake smile for people you don’t like. You only have to do that for a little while if you see them, but with your kids it’s 12 hours a day-non stop!
Don’t get me wrong there are genuine positive moments but the majority aren’t true and soooooo tiring!
(I couldn’t agree more! That fake smile has to constantly be there. It isn’t fun always having to play pretend!)

Samantha at Porridge and Parenting answered- “Because it’s impossible to be positive 24/7. You could be the happiest person in the world whose glass is always half full but that is unsustainable all day every day for the rest of your life and essentially you are a parent all day every day for the rest of your life.”
(Too right, it is impossible! One day it will wear you thin if you keep up the act!)

Helen from mumatron says “I think it’s hard because it’s unnatural. It’s more normal to show a range of emotions.”
(It sure is! We were given emotions to show them, not to try and disguise them as this wonderful happy, positive person when we are feeling quite the opposite sometimes!)

Sarah who blogs at Whimsical Mumblings replied with- “I broke down into tears the other day in front of my children, and felt SO guilty. It’s hard not to show these emotions as well as they good ones. I honestly don’t think we should hide them though! Show your little ones it’s ok to express your emotions.”
(Don’t feel guilty Sarah, like you say yourself it is important for our little ones to see all the emotions that we have and understand that we can show them whenever we need to)

 

Do you find there is anything you feel you have to be positive about when you really don’t feel that way all the time?
WeeOhana xx