14

Being Positive is Tough!

As a parent you are expected to always be positive, happy go-lucky and love everything that you do in your life that involves your kids. When you are with you kids or even around other kids, or any human really you are expected to have a smile, have lots of gossip to share and happy stories. Is parenting really all positive and great fun though? A simple answer no; no it isn’t.

Being a mum, a parent is really tough. I am currently a stay at home mum and  it is really tough, tougher than most jobs. You have to have a smile, willingness to do arts & crafts, answer 1000 questions, wipe bums, make snacks, do baking, colour, read books, play pretend, cook dinner, recook dinner as they changed their mind, and many other things.. all on a daily basis. You have to do all this while doing a dance or singing or whatever other thing your child enjoys and when they eventually go to bed and fall asleep you’re so mentally exhausted from keeping up this positive persona that you yourself are exhausted or you end up just sitting watching some mind numbing program on T.V.

Then when you see friends, especially friends who have children you are expected to gush to each other over how wonderful you children are, what new things they have learnt and just why they are simply amazing. All while showing them the latest pictures you have snapped of them, for your friend to then tell you how beautiful and wonderful your child and you do the same to them about their child. Just being honest here, but as much as I love my kids, I would love to not have to gush over them especially if I’m with a friend. In-fact I would love to be able to be open and tell them how I am really feeling, the struggles, share the lows as well as the highs. Recently though anytime I have mentioned a low to anyone they always come back with “Oh it will be fine”, “You never know, it will all be OK I bet” and all that positive cack. Now, I am one for trying to keep upbeat about all that I have going on but some-days I want to have a moan and a cry about how tough it is, and I want to have a friend who will talk to me like it is real life; For them to help me accept what is going on in my life. To help me accept it rather than fill my head with fluffy nonsense and denial.

I’m going through a lot with my family at the moment and I have really realized who is there for you and who just wants to be your friend when it suits them. I have lost several friends recently, but hey. There loss right? I told a friend once we had been to the CDC clinic about Dylan how it had went, that they would need to discuss special schools etc next time we went back as he was too young .. her reply “Can we please talk about something positive?” … I know right! Well I just didn’t reply. It really upset me, when I needed a friend to chat to and really let my feelings out too, they blew me off. Acted like I was complaining about a stubbed toe or something. There we go though, that’s another example of why being positive and why being expected to be positive is tough. I’m sure any parent could see how this would be a hard, upsetting and life changing thing for me, but yet my friend still expected me to be positive? I’m sorry but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

So next time you see a friend,your partner, your parent whoever it is you normally talk too, tell them how it really is.If your finding something tough tell them, if you need someone to rant, rave or cry at. Do it! Please do not hold it in. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable to do that with, I’m here. I’ll be your someone to rant,rave and cry at. Don’t be afraid. Head to my Facebook page and message me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. I hate to think of people holding all there true feelings in, these emotions and words that need out; let them out. Your mental health is very important, and if you go around always being positive, one day it will catch up with you, trust me.

I asked a few of my blogger friends; Why do you think being positive all the time is hard? Here is how they answered! =]

Amy who blogs at The smallest of things said- “Because sometimes they push me until I’m hanging over the edge!! 😂😂
(kids sure do have a good knack at doing that don’t they! They always know the right (or wrong buttons to press)

Jemma who blogs here said- “It’s just so draining. It’s like wearing your fake smile for people you don’t like. You only have to do that for a little while if you see them, but with your kids it’s 12 hours a day-non stop!
Don’t get me wrong there are genuine positive moments but the majority aren’t true and soooooo tiring!
(I couldn’t agree more! That fake smile has to constantly be there. It isn’t fun always having to play pretend!)

Samantha at Porridge and Parenting answered- “Because it’s impossible to be positive 24/7. You could be the happiest person in the world whose glass is always half full but that is unsustainable all day every day for the rest of your life and essentially you are a parent all day every day for the rest of your life.”
(Too right, it is impossible! One day it will wear you thin if you keep up the act!)

Helen from mumatron says “I think it’s hard because it’s unnatural. It’s more normal to show a range of emotions.”
(It sure is! We were given emotions to show them, not to try and disguise them as this wonderful happy, positive person when we are feeling quite the opposite sometimes!)

Sarah who blogs at Whimsical Mumblings replied with- “I broke down into tears the other day in front of my children, and felt SO guilty. It’s hard not to show these emotions as well as they good ones. I honestly don’t think we should hide them though! Show your little ones it’s ok to express your emotions.”
(Don’t feel guilty Sarah, like you say yourself it is important for our little ones to see all the emotions that we have and understand that we can show them whenever we need to)

 

Do you find there is anything you feel you have to be positive about when you really don’t feel that way all the time?
WeeOhana xx

 

 

7

Halloween..?

The past few nights we have had a few Halloween rhymers at out door, I suppose living in a housing development it is expected but it has made me think how bizarre this whole Halloween thing is! We constantly tell our children, don’t talk to strangers, don’t take sweets from strangers and the likes. On Halloween we change these rules, how confusing must this be for little ones! Not only do we tell them to take sweets, we tell them to knock the door of strangers houses and ask for sweets & if they don’t give them any I suppose they are meant to do a trick on them! I haven’t ever been trick or treating, as my mum didn’t like it, so I suppose this may be why I don’t understand it!  I am in two minds if I want to let me three year old do it, mainly because she is only starting to understand that strangers could be danger! She has only just started to be weary of who picks her up and who talks to her, which I am delighted by and have been trying to get her to understand for a while now! Will sending her out on Halloween with her daddy to other peoples houses really help her in the learning curve that she has only just started and took so long to get her to start it? I don’t want her to go backwards in this learning curve, because before she really would have just taken the hand of any stranger who gave her a smile and a hello! Add in someone giving her sweets and I can picture her just running into there house and making herself right at home! Maybe next year she will have learnt completely about this, and then will be bale to go trick or treating and resume back to normal the next day? I just think it is hard for a three year old to process that this is only for one day.. she will be running out of the house trying to knock on doors for sweets for the rest of the month If I let her.. but am I a killjoy if I stop her? what compromises is there?

Hubby has said just n the street and to the people we know.. which to her is about two houses in which she knows who lives in them, yes she does know some of the other people, hubby knows them all.. but to her they are still strangers?

Am I just being an over protective mother?

So; is it really ideal to set her back in her learning just so she can get some free sweets? Or should we just have a ‘spooky’ themed day, go out and buy some pumpkins, sparklers,  toffee apples, sweets and some ‘scary’ movies then  camp in the living room do all the fun things like dunking for apples and so forth! Go shopping for all the ‘treats’ dressed up too? I’ll let you know tomorrow what the outcome is and what the hubby wants..
What do you guys do?

Have a safe and happy Halloween whatever you do!
WeeOhana x