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Why telling Siblings is important

This is something that I feel quite strongly about. It is because when I was younger it was never explained to me what was going on, why my brother was treated differently, why he had his outbursts or why he treated people the way he does. Obviously back then I was very upset, felt excluded and very confused but now when I look back on how I felt I feel extremely selfish. That I really missed out because of not having someone explain to me that was going on and why he was being treated differently etc. Between me and my brother there is only one year and 8 days so we were extremely close in age and we were very bonded. I love him dearly and always will, especially now that I understand his ADHD.

Therefor I have made very sure to keep Amellia involved and updated with what is happening with her little brother. She is extremely tuned in with him though, She spotted before us things he was doing or that he wasn’t doing that she thought he would be doing. One day she compared him to a friends child who has autism, and asked if he would always be like her. She also got incredibly worried whenever he wasn’t talking and started to ask us when he would start talking or be able to say her name or anything at all. This was when we decided it was time to tell her that things were slightly different with him and that we can’t  put a time on when he will start talking or if he ever will. We are pretty sure that he will talk because he makes lots of different noises and sounds etc, but it is hard for her seeing her friends with brothers and sisters around his age talking, running about, going swimming together etc.

Whenever we explained it to her we kept it nice and simple, that he would learn in his own time and that we would all have to make changes. We didn’t say too much too her as we don’t have an official diagnosis yet and we also didn’t want to say too much and confuse her. So we told her a few things and then let her ask whatever questions she had and told her that whenever she had any questions that she could just ask us. The next day she came up to us and made me so happy she told us “mummy I don’t mind if Dylan is different, I love him anyway.” I had to sneak off to have a cry, it was just wonderful  an incredible thing for a five year old to have said.

I think it is incredibly important to tell siblings, they will then understand why you have to make differences for them, why there has to be changes and why certain activities or things they enjoy just aren’t as easy to do anymore and why when telling them off it has to done differently and allowances have to be changed.

We are incredibly lucky parents to have such an understanding daughter. If we have to leave somewhere because he doesn’t like it she is perfectly ok with that (as much as I hurt for her) if she has to wait till another day to go to the park because he is having an off day she is ok with that, if he wakes her up in the middle of the night, shes ok with that too. she will come downstairs and lay with me until we get him sorted. She really doesn’t get enough credit for how wonderful she is. I always try and make sure she gets to do the things she wants to do even if it is in a few days time, and that she gets to spend 1:1 time with one of us as much as possible so that she can go to the park and can leave when she is ready, so that she can go swimming, so that she can be a child and forget everything that is going on at home that makes her life so different to a lot of her friends.

This is the reason why I will always keep her up to date with what is going on with Dylan, so that she can feel included along the way and so that she can have as big an understanding as she can about him.
Special needs does not just change the child’s life who is living with the special need it changes everyone’s in the family.

We are all still getting used to the changes, his quirks, dislikes and likes, but we are doing it together as a family. Learning as we all go. I don’t think there has been a more relevant time to reinstate what my blog name stands for; Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

WeeOhana xxx

0

Time Apart!

I think whenever you have more than one child it is important to make sure they get to spend time with you separately and for things that fit there age or wants as well! Especially whenever one of the children in your family has a special need, as it really does effect everyone’s life in the family. I always find myself feeling guilty because whenever I take my pair out together it is aways known that if Dylan isn’t happy we will have to leave. As much as this isn’t fair on my little girl, it is what has to happen. She is very good and if Dylan isn’t happy whenever we get somewhere she knows that she gets five minuites then it is time to go. Unless I’m  having a day where I want to take on the world and can ignore the looks. I always feel incredibly guilty when we have to leave, especialy if we haven’t been there long.. i think it is hard as a mum as well to accept that your child doesn’t really enjoy what the majoirty of children love. A trip to the local park can be upsetting for both my children, as it could be too nosey/buzy etc for Dylan which then means we have to leave. It is also then upsetting for me as I then feel bad that my little girl has had to be disappointed etc! Though I am very good at keeping a strong front on infront of the kids!

My husband and myself decided that in the new year we would try and do things seperatly at least once a month with my little girl, as she loves things such as going out for dinner, going to the cinema or going shopping for some new clothes! These are some of the top things that my little boy really struggles with, but it isn’t fair for her not to experience these because of that! This month it was my turn, so I decided that I would actually bring her down to see my mum and dads new house in Dublin! Obviously this is something that I wish we could enjoy as a family, exploring a new city/parks/shops/restuarants/musuems but he really wouldn’t be able to cope at all, espeically with staying somewhere unfamiliar too! Hubby had the weekend off so me and my wonderful daughter headed off!

We have had a fantastic time! The drive down is approx two hours long, and she decided to chat the whole drive down. It was wonderful, we chatted about such a range of things, from why there was a tractor on the road to how come they hadn’t  invented time travel yet so that we could just appear at nanny annd grampys without having to sit still for so long! (Sitting still isn’t her strong point!) Once we got to my mum and dads it was bed time really, but not without a tour around the house and some food to fill her little belly!

The next day we all headed out for a walk around the park and to get some breakfast! It was a lot colder than we expected though so we really didn’t get too much of a walk done before everyone thought there hands were going to fall off! We then found a little market and got a crepe for breakfast and picked up some rather wonderful Macarons handmade by a little French woman, they were incredible! I am actually pretty annoyed I only bought one box of them and wish I had got another box to take home with me! They were just super scrummy! 


It was then home time to warm up and let grampy watch the rugby! We spent this time drawing lots of pictures, watching videos on the ipad and chatting to nanny about everything that crossed our minds! After the rugby was over and we were all bathed and ready we went out for some dinner! We went to a lovely little Chinese down the road, which served food nice and quick (perfect for kids!) it was also really tasty too so it was a winner! 

Today we got up and thought it didn’t look as cold as yesterday, so headed off to the beach for a walk.. wha a terrible idea! If you have me on instagram you will have seen how windy it was! If you haven’t you should add me, I would love a few new followers and people to follow! =] ;] (weeohana) << my instagram

After the beech we went to a park and for some lunch! We then popped to a nice little shop and picked up some dinner and Amellia loved looking at all the fish they had there for sale! 


It was then home time and Grampy had more rugby to watch! But not before playing a little!


We then headed to our room and snuggled on the bed while everyone else was busy. I really enjoyed the time just laying there together and relaxing, something me and her never get t0 do anymore! Tomorrow we are heading home and I really look forward to the conversations we have in the car on the way home! Also to get home and give Dylan a really big snuggle,and my hubby of course 😛 

Hope you all have had a wonderful weekend and have a good week! 

WeeOhana xx