I’m not sure if you will have read how Dylan’s first hearing test but I came away from it saying I would never take him too another.
Roll forward 16 months and he was due for a review as they couldn’t get a clear reading last time due to him screaming and being disgusted by the whole situation of it all. They told me that they would recall him in 6 months time, it didn’t go well either but not quite so bad. Again they couldn’t do the full test as he would not cooperate they told me he would be recalled again in 6 months but they weren’t worried about his hearing they just now had to get a positive result for their records.
When an appointment came again for him to be checked again but in a different hospital I put on my big girl pants and took it by the horns. I wanted to get this green check on his records, rule it out and onto the next thing.
He wouldn’t let them look in his ears for very long at all, but the lady knew straight away when he was getting distressed and didn’t force it on him unlike the ones at his previous appointments. She said the one ear she got a look in looked a little red, but seeing as it was winter time this occurs to most of us especially if we have a cold. We then went back to sit and wait for the next part, thankfully we didn’t have to wait long as he isn’t ever very happy about waiting in strange places.
In the next room he had to sit on my knee while a lady tried to get him to concentrate on something while another played different sound etc to test his hearing.
As they were doing this I was thinking to myself about how if it was his hearing we could fix this, help him and right it all.
As I found myself getting caught up in those ideas I had to remind myself that if he does have a problem with his hearing, we could sort that out but it wouldn’t solve the many other things he struggles with daily, he would still be autistic too.
When she left the room to go and talk to the lady doing the sounds I felt like I had just been to a job interview. Making him sit still, hoping he would behave the best and do his best in the series of tests he had just done.
Inside I was panicking a lot that they would come back and say that some of his problems was because he couldn’t hear very well, and that he would need to get that sorted alongside everything else that was going on.
Another part was hoping she would come back and say it was his hearing and that she had the perfect solution and it would solve everything!
Though I knew in my heart of hearts this was never going to happen, I say to people that I don’t like false hope that I want to live in reality with it all and I rather everyone be honest and upfront with what they think.
This is true, but sometimes I can’t stop the little bright ideas my brain thinks it has sneaking in and bringing a whole load of false hope and joy. When I realise I’m being crazy or when I’m even proved that I am wrong then it is a whole load of heartache.
This is why I try to live in reality and not give a whole load of false hope because it just knocks you back when you are climbing.
Obviously I agree with hope, everyone needs hope and goals.
I believe in attainable goals for my kids, ones I know they can reach or are close to succeeding in so that we can celebrate together rather than discuss things they haven’t reached yet. Celebrate everything, some things that you don’t even notice your children doing are huge milestones for children like Dylan and others. It really makes you appreciate the small things, like when he looks at you, when he tries something new, when he touches something he hasn’t before.
I know its going to happen soon so one of my goals for Dylan is that he will call me mummy soon and know I am mummy and not just use the world, another goal which is going to take a lot longer but I have accepted this is that when I smile at him for him to smile back.