14

Being Positive is Tough!

As a parent you are expected to always be positive, happy go-lucky and love everything that you do in your life that involves your kids. When you are with you kids or even around other kids, or any human really you are expected to have a smile, have lots of gossip to share and happy stories. Is parenting really all positive and great fun though? A simple answer no; no it isn’t.

Being a mum, a parent is really tough. I am currently a stay at home mum and  it is really tough, tougher than most jobs. You have to have a smile, willingness to do arts & crafts, answer 1000 questions, wipe bums, make snacks, do baking, colour, read books, play pretend, cook dinner, recook dinner as they changed their mind, and many other things.. all on a daily basis. You have to do all this while doing a dance or singing or whatever other thing your child enjoys and when they eventually go to bed and fall asleep you’re so mentally exhausted from keeping up this positive persona that you yourself are exhausted or you end up just sitting watching some mind numbing program on T.V.

Then when you see friends, especially friends who have children you are expected to gush to each other over how wonderful you children are, what new things they have learnt and just why they are simply amazing. All while showing them the latest pictures you have snapped of them, for your friend to then tell you how beautiful and wonderful your child and you do the same to them about their child. Just being honest here, but as much as I love my kids, I would love to not have to gush over them especially if I’m with a friend. In-fact I would love to be able to be open and tell them how I am really feeling, the struggles, share the lows as well as the highs. Recently though anytime I have mentioned a low to anyone they always come back with “Oh it will be fine”, “You never know, it will all be OK I bet” and all that positive cack. Now, I am one for trying to keep upbeat about all that I have going on but some-days I want to have a moan and a cry about how tough it is, and I want to have a friend who will talk to me like it is real life; For them to help me accept what is going on in my life. To help me accept it rather than fill my head with fluffy nonsense and denial.

I’m going through a lot with my family at the moment and I have really realized who is there for you and who just wants to be your friend when it suits them. I have lost several friends recently, but hey. There loss right? I told a friend once we had been to the CDC clinic about Dylan how it had went, that they would need to discuss special schools etc next time we went back as he was too young .. her reply “Can we please talk about something positive?” … I know right! Well I just didn’t reply. It really upset me, when I needed a friend to chat to and really let my feelings out too, they blew me off. Acted like I was complaining about a stubbed toe or something. There we go though, that’s another example of why being positive and why being expected to be positive is tough. I’m sure any parent could see how this would be a hard, upsetting and life changing thing for me, but yet my friend still expected me to be positive? I’m sorry but that just doesn’t make sense to me.

So next time you see a friend,your partner, your parent whoever it is you normally talk too, tell them how it really is.If your finding something tough tell them, if you need someone to rant, rave or cry at. Do it! Please do not hold it in. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable to do that with, I’m here. I’ll be your someone to rant,rave and cry at. Don’t be afraid. Head to my Facebook page and message me and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. I hate to think of people holding all there true feelings in, these emotions and words that need out; let them out. Your mental health is very important, and if you go around always being positive, one day it will catch up with you, trust me.

I asked a few of my blogger friends; Why do you think being positive all the time is hard? Here is how they answered! =]

Amy who blogs at The smallest of things said- “Because sometimes they push me until I’m hanging over the edge!! 😂😂
(kids sure do have a good knack at doing that don’t they! They always know the right (or wrong buttons to press)

Jemma who blogs here said- “It’s just so draining. It’s like wearing your fake smile for people you don’t like. You only have to do that for a little while if you see them, but with your kids it’s 12 hours a day-non stop!
Don’t get me wrong there are genuine positive moments but the majority aren’t true and soooooo tiring!
(I couldn’t agree more! That fake smile has to constantly be there. It isn’t fun always having to play pretend!)

Samantha at Porridge and Parenting answered- “Because it’s impossible to be positive 24/7. You could be the happiest person in the world whose glass is always half full but that is unsustainable all day every day for the rest of your life and essentially you are a parent all day every day for the rest of your life.”
(Too right, it is impossible! One day it will wear you thin if you keep up the act!)

Helen from mumatron says “I think it’s hard because it’s unnatural. It’s more normal to show a range of emotions.”
(It sure is! We were given emotions to show them, not to try and disguise them as this wonderful happy, positive person when we are feeling quite the opposite sometimes!)

Sarah who blogs at Whimsical Mumblings replied with- “I broke down into tears the other day in front of my children, and felt SO guilty. It’s hard not to show these emotions as well as they good ones. I honestly don’t think we should hide them though! Show your little ones it’s ok to express your emotions.”
(Don’t feel guilty Sarah, like you say yourself it is important for our little ones to see all the emotions that we have and understand that we can show them whenever we need to)

 

Do you find there is anything you feel you have to be positive about when you really don’t feel that way all the time?
WeeOhana xx

 

 

5

Hearing & Doubts..

I am never going to take either of my children to a hearing test again… though lets start from the start of a very eventful day.

The night before I hardly slept, so many thoughts running through my head. Worries,wonders,what ifs, hows and all those lovely thoughts us parents are subjected too. His appointment also wasn’t until the afternoon, so I filled the morning the best I could to keep myself and him busy. Why though when you want time to go fast it goes slower than you ever thought possible!  We started off having a little look in shops and picking something up for dinner then we decided to head to a forest park for a little walk!
When we pulled up to the park, he decided it was the perfect time to fall asleep so I enjoyed the peace. Peace from the outside I suppose though as I was having a million thoughts a minutes that ended up with a really sore head.. typical. When he woke up we went for a little walk around the forest, he thoroughly enjoyed himself and so did I.

Then it was on-wards to his appointment. How downhill it went from there, the waiting room was full. Every seat was taken and lots of children running about and shouting. Not something I particularly enjoy and neither does he, as soon as we went in he couldn’t handle it. Bright light, lots of people, noise, banging, and pushing. I set him on my lap and talked to him gently in his ear to try and keep him settled the best I could, unfortunately it was all just too much. (He has started to hit himself in the mouth with his hand when he is distressed) On the outside and to onlookers he seemed calm at the start until he started doing this and I was trying to stop him. He kept going and going and more people started to look and one child asked there mum why he was doing it, then he did it so hard he ended up making his mouth bleed, and not even just a little bit. I scooped him up and went on the search for the bathroom to clean him and myself up, so that when we went into the hearing test he would be calm and ready to do whatever they needed. As soon as I had him cleaned up I heard his name being called so off we went down the hallway to see how his hearing was.

It was going lovely, they started with him sitting on my knee and then they rang bells behind him and lots of other things making strange noises and he turned to the majority of them and stilled to others, it was all going so well! The lady told me she was satisfied with his hearing and that he definitely didn’t have any severe hearing problems but she wanted to do another test just to make sure.. little did I know this was more a form of torture.. I had to hold him still while she poked this thing into his ear and did a test. He did not like this one bit, neither did I. He screamed, cried, kicked, bit.. it was horrific. I calmed him down when we left got into the car and he was laughing and smiling, but I had to have a cry. I felt horrible, thought he would hate me .. but he had forgotten about it. Little does he know that she wants me to take him back in three months as she couldn’t do that test properly as he was screaming so loud.. I am not looking forward to that.

Great news is that he isn’t deaf.. though I can’t quite decide if it is great news..
I keep thinking that if he was deaf there are so many things that they can do to solve this, and ahh.. I’m really finding this all so difficult to handle. I suppose that is natural though right? I’m trying to keep my head above water, with a happy face ..I don’t know how swell I’m doing at that part.. its hard to keep yourself a float and everyone else as well.. its tough, its really tough. I must keep going.. on a positive note, we got his appointment for the child developmental team and it is on the 9th of November! So a lot sooner than I expected. which is great news! Less time to over think.. though panic because its so soon!
Answers, or at least some guidance and support is what I need right now. I need to know what I am doing with him is right, that I’m not a terrible mother and it isn’t all my fault.. though I’m not sure those feelings will ever budge..

WeeOhana xxx